Followup from my 6/12/07 "Marriage Myths" speech

A couple of articles I referenced:
http://psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-20030807-000001.html
http://psychologytoday.com/articles/index.php?term=pto-20050614-000001&page=1

And one I didn't have time for though it had great information:
http://psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-20001101-000012.html

Others that give a summary of the issue:
http://love.ivillage.com/snd/sndcouplehood/0,,mhrq,00.html
http://love.ivillage.com/snd/sndcouplehood/0,,mhrr,00.html

If you really want to go nuts, Rutgers University as well as Penn St. University have many articles to read on the topic of marriage.

I think if I had to summarize the issue (which I tried to do very quickly in the talk), it would go like this...

Living together for the purposes of a trial/preparing for marriage is a not the panacea that some think it is. It doesn’t do anything to develop the skills required to thrive in a life-long relationship. In fact, research suggests it hinders their development. Note that I was never able to get a figure on this … i.e. how much more likely is divorce for cohabitators?

However, these skills are not automatic for anyone. The early years of marriage for non-cohabitators don’t automatically produce well-adjusted relationships. The fact that some of them divorce as well is proof of that.

The skills we are talking about can be developed by a couple, living together or not. Intentionally trying to improve these skills will pay dividends for anyone. And by not relying on living together (on its own) to prepare oneself for marriage, you may negate whatever bad effects on relationships it may have.

Oh, and here is one article about the true divorce rate in the US:
http://www.divorcereform.org/nyt05.html